More proof the human race is doomed.

Good whatever-the-sodding-time-is kids, and welcome to another post from your undead pal The Old Monster. This time we’ll address a few little things close to my heart… and my spleen… and my stomach… you get the idea.

First, in literary news a woman named Jordan Scott is suing Stephanie Meyers over elements of her Twilight series, specifically the installment entitled Breaking Dawn, claiming Meyers stole elements of her self-published novel, Nocturne. First, let’s make one thing abundantly clear… neither of these authors, and I use the term loosely, could write their way out of a wet paper bag in my not so humble opinion, but that’s not the point. The fact that Meyers novels have had the same effect upon vampire fiction that AIDS had on the American dating scene is not the point. The fact that Ms. Jordan’s writing is just slightly more mature than a campfire story told by a seven year old is NOT the point. The point is that the Breaking Dawn author is being sued over what amounts to common elements found in many works by a great many authors, most of whom are more talented than plaintiff or defendant in this case. Use of common elements: the same type of monster, the same plot devices, the same motivations… DOES NOT CONSTITUTE PLAGIARISM.

Are we clear, Jordan? Just because 200 different authors at one point or another had a vampire marry a mortal does not mean that they each owe you a nickle. Just because evil demon-baby kills or injures it’s human mother does NOT mean your lawyer should give Poppy Z. Brite a call. Oh wait, Poppy wrote her book first! Pay the woman or face a pointless lawsuit, Jordan. You know, a lawsuit like yours. Sorry, that’s not plagiarism. Elements like this are prevalent throughout the history of genre fiction. They’re used as often as your average stairwell, a hell of a lot. In simple terms, Princess, your derivative work doesn’t merit any of Meyer’s coin just because it was published first. Grow up.

The lesson here?

Frivolous lawsuits are a far bigger bane to the publishing industry than bad writing ever was. You want to make some coin, do it on the merit of your own damn work.

Next, a word about Survivor winner Richard Hatch. I normally don’t give a rat’s tuckus about reality shows except to make fun of them and this really isn’t an exception. Every time this never-was reminds us of his existence mankind regrets it… or should. What kind of schmuck wins a million dollars on national television, doesn’t pay his taxes on the million, lies in court, then when pending release tries to accuse the prosecution of committing a hate crime (Hatch is gay)? An imbecile, that’s who. I suppose it never occurred to the man that not paying taxes on a million dollar prize might raise an eyebrow or two. Hell, even I know better than to mess with the IRS, those fuckers scare me. The stupidity some mortals show used to surprise me, but that was a few thousand years back.

He told the “Today” show that he has been financially devastated by his tax case.

Well thank you Captain Obvious. Here’s a link:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090818/ap_en_tv/us_people_richard_hatch

And some of you wonder if I ever feel guilty about killing people. Get real, I’m not trying to destroy the world, I’m just culling the herd a bit.

For now I’ll leave you with a quote:

“It was so hot today that that thing on Donald Trump’s head is panting!” David Letterman

Later Homeys!

OM