Politics, in my abattoir?

Greetings vermin, and welcome to another edition of The Old Monster’s
Abattoir. I’m sure you’re all wondering where I’ve been the last few
months, and you should be I suppose, but it couldn’t really be avoided.

Things have been a bit hectic in the abattoir with all those nasty holiday interruptions: carolers, nosy policemen, torch-bearing mobs… you know the routine. Thankfully they’re all tucked away in the basement now, except for the few I’ve stored in the kitchen. I must remember to send a letter of thanks to the people who made those canning jars. They’re handy little things.

Anyway I’ve been away for a while now and I really should get this show
rolling again. I generally stay out of politics as a rule; it’s a mess
best left to the masochistic, narcissistic or just plain stupid. But then you see articles like Uganda’s gay death penalty bill, and more embarrassingly the despicable little factoid that some people in this
country have sent letters of support for it to the bills sponsors, you have to at least voice your disgust don’t you? So I am. Things like this make me feel… vindicated. In a way at least.

Now I realize this is not as tragic as the above article but let’s be
honest, it’s damned embarrassing in this day and age some of the crap that is said by some of the lower primates in this country who think it’s OK to spout any vile nonsense that comes out of their festering little sore of a mouth just because of the assumed anonymity of the internet. You all know the equation:

“seemingly normal person” + internet + anonymity + audience =

shitcockfuckmotherfucker tits!

That is what’s known as the greater internet fuckwad theory. We can do better. Is it really that important that some redneck thought it would be funny to photoshop the features of a chimp onto Michelle Obama? Or native garb onto the president? We get it, Jethro, you’re a cousin-fucking shit-kicker who still thinks blacks are inferior to you. Sure they are, Jethro. I’m sure you think city-folk have pretty mouths too. Shut the fuck up.

In other news:

http://www.poe-news.com/

Sad. A lot of people grew up with the guy’s work. He’ll be missed.

Before you ask, yes. I was trying to get off the politics. It gives me
gas. In lighter news, an East Boston cat was called to jury duty. When
the amused owner filled out a request to have her cat disqualified the
judge was unimpressed and ordered “Sal” to be in court at the appointed
time and day. It looks like the owner’s only recourse will be to bring the cat in for jury duty. The sad part is that it’s completely true:

http://www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/BO133130/

You just can’t make up shit like this.

Last night I saw PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE again. I can’t tell you how much I adore this cinematic disaster. Oh I could go on for hours. It was made by one of filmdom’s most notorious red-headed (but not really) step children, Ed Wood. Arguably one of the worst films ever made, though personally I’ve seen far worse IMHO, so let’s not pan the poor sot for his lack of technical expertise. The movie is a monument to unintentional humor, painfully bad acting, and Vampira’s impossibly tiny waistline. You could choke a chihuahua with one of her belts. It’s the perfect example of a movie done so badly and naively that it became an icon of the accidental classic. Find yourself a copy and enjoy!

If you have a question that needs answering, if you need dating advice, or just want to know how to deal with life’s little annoyances… like
torch-bearing mobs for instance, just write me at oldmonster@daverana.com
and ask away.

Until next time Boils and Ghouls, Ta Ta!