Party Cuisine and a little advice

Hieronymous gets such a kick out of throwing those parties of his. Though he really should be more careful about the cuisine he serves. Refrigerated stiffs from the morgue are all well and good for a ghoul, but even the Jethros of the Undead Smart Set like a warm meal now and again. Perhaps Hie could just chain a used car salesman to a stake on the terrace. You know, make them work a bit to whet the old appetite.

I generally prefer mine warm, conscious, and running but I realize that nothing upsets a tea party for the high and mighties faster than a mismanaged greased-pig catching contest. Don’t let Hieronymous fool you though, though there aren’t many ways to cut corners when feeding his vampire friends you can always save a few bucks feeding ghouls and the hired help. I heard once that he served an embalmed corpse to the kitchen staff. Of course there is always the chance the ghoul was mistaken, their judgement is often questionable after all. It could have been enbalming fluid, or the man might have been Pentacostal. The end result is just as foul regardless.

Anyway, I recieved a really good question from a reader who wants to prepare an extra special batch of cookies for an upcoming birthday party:

Dear Old Monster

What is the best percentage of child-to-flour when making gingerbread cookies? I have the redheads all lined up, but now I don’t know what parts to use. Damned gingers.

Warmest regards,

Natenuff Blutengutz (Culinary student, University of Vasaria )

Well, Herr Blutengutz, gingerbread cookies require a somewhat softer touch than an enterprising maneater like yourself might guess. Ginger, as you know is a potent ingredient in nearly any recipe and as such is quite easy to abuse. We don’t want that now do we? And please note that the best parts of the ginger kid for seasoning purposes are the heart, liver and sweetbreads. chop, dry, grind to a fine powder and seal in an airtight container. Mason jars are your friend. For Gingerkid cookies, I suggest a one to four parts ratio gingerkid to a good whole wheat flour, don’t use white flour. If you use too much gingerkid you can always cut it with a little Brown sugar, or tomato in a vegetable dish or stew. Extract of Mormon will neutralize excess gingerkid with a quickness. Hell Mormon is so bland it could suck the ditzy out of a Scientologist.

I hope this helps you Herr Blutengutz, if not just say so and maybe I can dig up a few nifty recipes out of the old lab.

Wormiest Regards,

The Old Monster

One final thing before we wrap this up. If you have a question for The Old Monster, or if you want to suggest a subject for my next post, write me at oldmonster@daverana.com