Before I begin I’d like to know why so few of you little monsters have written me to ask questions? I get lonely up here on the homestead. Am I going to have to come out there and find you? We hope not, right? Just drop an email to:
oldmonster@daverana.com
And ask me anything you like, or just recommend a subject to write about, a loudmouthed sod to pick on or anything else that might be worth a look or a laugh. And remember: If I don’t hear from a few more of you soon I’ll come looking for you.
How are all of you on this Hanachristmakwanzsolstiyule? We’re doing quite well all things considered, we had a Hell of an ice storm two weeks ago. The ice formed so thickly that light poles and power lines were torn down and crushed, trees fell over and tore down more utility poles, and in general the town and every one of the primates living here went completely apeshit. Not that I mind, I have a dynamo in the dungeon. We did lose power temporarily. Well only for a few minutes until Mr. V got the dynamo running. Most of the locals were out for more than a week. I couldn’t believe the looks some of them gave me in the street two days later because my lights were on and their’s weren’t. I hate jealousy, don’t you? Of course it could have been that I was dragging half a street preacher back to my house…
Naaah.
The holidays are a busy time for me and mine, we spend the previous few weeks stocking up on supplies for the winter months, and making preparations for the holidays themselves. You know: hanging lights, stringing garland, sharpening the knives and Mr. V’s favorite two-headed broadaxe (can’t forget that!) and of course getting presents for each other. There’s nothing like going to the lab first thing in the evening and finding fresh “patients” chained to the wall. What can I say? I’m easy to please. Of course I could use some new lab glass as well. I go through so many vials, beakers, and such during the course of a year. Mr V can be a tad clumsy at times. That said, the brute is invaluable. He does the kind of heavy lifting that would make a forklift proud, and he’s loyal and attentive. He never interrupts either, but that might be because his tongue is gone, I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask him how that happened someday. Now where was I?
Oh yeah, the holidays. We had a lovely time. We strung the old oak tree out back with the usual things, intestines and odd trinkets we’ve collected from our guests over the years. I have a really nice antique coffin available if anyone wants it, it’s a nineteenth century model and only used once. It’s an extra, I have plenty. So we decorated the tree like I said. After that we went in and opened presents. Nix was such a dear this holiday, he made a little sweater for Albert and he even remembered to make enough sleeves for all his little legs… and his tentacles too, that must have taken quite a while. Nix got a book of protection spells (the rabbit can be a bit vindictive at times and his aim isn’t what it could be). Hieronymous sent me the materials for a new capacitor bank to replace the old ones hooked up to the lightning rod. Once I have it all hooked up to the battery room maybe I can make Mr. V a new playmate. That would be nice.
Then we went out and egged the old church. Oh get over it, no one’s used that old wreck for at least a century! You must admit, it’s a great way to bring the family closer together. We finished off the day with a nice, sit down meal. I can’t tell you how much I love roast missionary. Then again I just did, didn’t I?
So here we are after dinner, hiding behind the curtains waiting for the inevitable christmas carolers. Mmmmmmmm, caaarolers.
Happy holidays everyone!
